Danny på Spotify… Det är tillräckligt roligt för att blogga om! :-)
In another dimension far, far, far away, a long, long, long time ago, there was a rabbit named Edward Gotham (the Elder) after his younger brother. Edward didn’t get a name when he was born so his parents named him after his brother who had got a name when he was born. His family consisted of his brother and his two parents and they lived happily in the country Stubborn. The whole country was totally green as an ICQ flower when you are online, but you could only call the country green if you didn’t look up in the sky because the sky was always blue. In this green land, there was a big forest and in a stump far into the deepest forest, Edward and his family lived. During the day, everyone played and was happy but when the sun had disappeared behind the horizon, no one wanted to go out. Everyone believed there were some horrible beasts out there in the deep forest, i.e. everyone except Edward, who loved the night.
Edward jumped out through his window and put his paw in the mud so it splashed up and hit the back of his trousers. Edward didn’t care; no one would ever see him at this hour so why bother to care about having clean trousers, he thought. When he heard a little noise behind him, his legs began to shake. He turned his head around slowly and saw the cutest thing you could see at this hour of the day and his legs stopped shaking immediately. Behind him was the cutest thing he had ever seen in his entire life. The dark forest became a light in his eyes because there sat a white, fluffy, soft, beautiful, delicious, gorgeous, delightful, lovely and totally distinguished hare with a luminous behind. Her eyes were shining like the moon itself and her voice was the sweetest thing he had ever heard. In the back of his head, he knew this was his hare and no one else’s and he also knew that he was in love. Jackie was the hare’s name and Edward heard his inner voice constantly repeating the words, “Jackie is yours”.
She smoothly jumped against him and he just looked at her long eyelashes. She looked at him, introduced herself and asked why he frothed. Edward woke up from his thoughts and said hello to the hare of his dream, which replied with a laugh. Edward looked down and saw that what he thought was one spot now were many spots of mud on his trousers. One of the spots was located on an unsuitable place and he realised that was the reason she laughed at him. He tried to talk away it and explained it with that he had fallen over a rock. She answered him with her soft voice and told him that she saw him go out from his window and she wanted to follow him to see where he was going, but Edward couldn’t answer. He asked for her apology and she just laughed and started to move. She said that she was tired and should go home and in Edward’s heart he begged her to stay but his mouth was sealed. She jumped home and he stood there and watched her behind and then, she was gone.
Edward continued to walk the way he had planned to walk this night and the only thing in his mind was this beauty he just had met. He put one paw in front of the other and he couldn’t see because the image of her was always in front of him. After a while he tumbled on a root and he realised that if he didn’t hurry, he would get too few hours of sleep. He started to jump the fastest he could, over hundreds of roots and thousands of square centimetres of moss, through deep mud and he had the wind against him. He felt his heartbeats and he breathed hard. You could believe he had seen a ghost and after that been hit by a lightning and he was soon home in his warm, nice, soft and wonderful bed and he fell a sleep.
The night was short but he felt thoroughly rested and when he looked out through his window, he saw that a new family had bought the house across the road made by ants and it was a hare-family. He screamed so loudly that the birds outside flew away. The girl of his dreams lived across the road, but then he thought about yesterday and how he had behaved. He was ashamed of himself. How could he have been so silly and embarrassing? She would never be his love, but hope is the last thing that you give up, so he jumped to his shower and every hair on his body was cleaned. His fur was shining in the sun, but it didn’t help him because he was hungry and jumped out into the kitchen to have something to eat. He looked around, like a spy does for information in a country, but our hero Edward couldn’t find any food. He was confused and took his money and jumped out.
Jackie followed him, but he was totally unaware of that, so he just jumped and jumped, and jumped and at last he was in the big city. There was an indoor mall in the centre of the city so Edward jumped all the way through the road filled with busy hares and rabbits and to the entrance. He knew where he should jump to get the best carrots. His little admirer, Jackie, had not lost the sight of him during the whole time and I guess she was in love, too. When Edward’s carrots were in his hand and he had put them in his plastic bag he turned his head around and saw her. Her white, hairy cheek became red and she wriggled but her eyes were still looking on him. He jumped slowly towards her and her face became more and more red and when he was just in front of her, he felt his mouth totally sealed and he couldn’t say a word. She asked if he was on his way home and our poor friend Edward nodded approval. She asked where he lived and he couldn’t answer, he was too nervous. She saw this and just jumped beside him and when they had gone halfway home she begged him to stop. He did and she kissed him on his nose. He fell down – he had passed out. When he woke up, his head was laying on her body and she said, when she saw that his eyes were open, that she wouldn’t do that again. Edward replied that it was nice, even if he didn’t remember very much. She laughed and kissed him and they were just lying there and kissing each other, for the whole day.
When the darkness had fallen, they were still lying there and just felt love, but Edward was hungry so he asked Jackie if she could make up a fire so he could prepare the carrots he had bought. When everything was done, they grilled the carrots and started to sing together and when they were full and were too tired to sing they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Edward could feel her heartbeats and he smelled her breath. He was the happiest rabbit in the world. Jackie seemed to enjoy her new love and I guess she felt that she was the happiest hare in the world.
When it was totally dark and you couldn’t even see the moon because some heavy clouds covered it, they woke up. Someone screamed in the forest and Jackie said that she was scared. Edward wasn’t and he told her to pack everything, they could go home. She did as she had been told and Edward made a little torch they should use on their way home. They started to go and Jackie held Edward’s paw as hard as she could. Edward held his eyes open and watched after what had screamed earlier; Jackie held her eyes closed because she was so afraid, but she couldn’t stop her ears from listening.
After a while they met a short brownie. Edward asked if Mr Brownie had seen the creature that screamed. “Well, no I haven’t”, was the answer and he went past. Edward didn’t know if he should believe the brownie and he looked his love in the eyes and they told him to trust people and be nice, be calm and have a big heart of forgiveness. So our friends continued their way and met another Brownie and Edward asked if Mr Brownie had seen the creature that screamed. “No, I haven’t”, was the reply and this time Edward didn’t believe the brownie. But when he saw the big round eyes of his love he decided not to ask one more time so they jumped on and came to a new brownie. Edward friendly asked if Mr Brownie had heard a creature screaming.
The man looked at him and said: “jumping creatures should not jump alone in the woods because what’s big in your eyes is probably something dangerous. I was the creature you are looking for”. Jackie pulled Edward with her when she jumped back from the terrifying assent. Edward was afraid, but he was happy to know that he had trained kendo when he was younger so Edward knew that he could defend himself, but the brownie continued: “Well, I fell over a root. That’s something we brownies can’t do and that’s the reason for my scream”, was the explanation. At the same time, he took up a big knife, but our friends couldn’t see it in the darkness, this night must have been their lucky night. The moon came out from the clouds and shone on the knife and Edward saw the knife and whispered, “jump away”, to his love. Edward was really afraid because this could be the end of his life and his girlfriend just stood there until he rapped her on her left buttock and she, with speed, jumped away and the brownie attacked Edward who fought back with the torch.
The sharp knife whined when the brownie attacked Edward, who succeeded to jump away and put fire to the brownie’s beard with a strike on his neck. The brownie tried to put out the fire in his beard so he threw himself down and rolled over. Edward didn’t think at this moment, he just did what was natural to him so he attacked with his fire-stick and hit the brownie on his head and the brownie became unconscious. Edward saw his head burn and felt sorry for him and decided to put out the fire. On his way to the water to put out the fire he met Jackie and said that she was looking at a dead bird (which was very strange in a world where no one likes to kill or eat meat) and she also told him that it looked as if it had been killed with a knife. Edward begged her to go back to her hiding place or at least look away, because what he did is something I won’t tell you, but it ended up in small, toasted pieces. He became blood-stained, then felt sick of the extreme thing he had done and threw up the carrots and the mess he had done looked like that he had thrown up and he wondered if carrots and meat had something in common. From the study of the vomits and from his mess he made the conclusion that vegetables also have feelings, otherwise it shouldn’t have that colour. Only a living thing that has feelings can be red when they have been thrown up.
After that incident, Edward and Jackie continued to jump and they didn’t need a fire-stick anymore, the moon showed the way. When they came to a little lake, Edward wanted to wash himself after the barbecue. To have a feeling that every hair on your body is fatty and that most of your white body is red, isn’t very nice. Jackie smiled when he asked and she said that he could use her as his towel. He smiled and told her that he loved her, because he did. The water was warm and he felt through his thick fur how the water washed him. It was lovely and he was floating and started to think of his future life – a life where he planned to marry his Jackie and live in little village at home, how many children they should have and how they would look like and what they would do when they had grown up. Jackie sat under a cork oak and looked happy, but she was tired and fell asleep. When our hero came up after his water activity he smiled when seeing her sleeping. He thought that she was the cutest thing in the whole world and he didn’t want to wake her up. He put one paw under her and lifted her up and started to smoothly jump home.
When he came to a big tree, a new brownie came towards him and the brownie asked if Edward had seen a brownie with a large knife. Edward felt like crying but as the man he was, he stopped his tears from coming. Edward nodded assent and the brownie asked how he had survived. Edward looked down and told the new brownie that the brownie didn’t survive their meeting. The brownie replied that Edward had done the right thing and had saved lots of animals’ life. “It was a serial killer that had escaped from the prison and he killed everyone he saw”, said the brownie and continued walking. Edward’s anxiety had disappeared and he would probably forget it next month because rabbits have really bad memories. They might be smart sometimes, but often they aren’t.
Jackie woke up when they were just near the village. She smiled like the sun, which was rising over the village and she saw Edward’s smile so she told him that she loved him and had done since the first time she had seen him. Edward kissed her, but was still jumping and stumbled on a root as usual and they fell down to the ground kissing each other. Rabbits and hares have thick furs so it didn’t hurt them at all – it was just lovely. They just looked into each other’s eyes while they were hugging each other. The trees hanged over of them and covered them from the sun and the warm wind touched their cheeks. Suddenly they could hear a voice screaming that he had found them. Edward smiled and said that it was his brother and he thought that everyone was looking for them, but in his mind he was angrier on his brother than ever. Jackie smiled and said, “When we are at home, I want you forever”. Edward smiled and said, “Yes madam! I’ll be your slave for the rest of our lives”. They rose and jumped hand in hand towards Edward’s brother Edward. He smiled and said, “Well brother, you found a hot chick on your trip, I can see” and Edward answered, “Of course my young padawan. I must be something you can look up to”.
In the village everyone was happy to see them and they asked if Jackie and Edward had seen the monster that kills everything it could see. Edward told them the story about the brownies and the terrifying fight and Jackie said that he was so brave and she had not seen a rabbit or hare so brave before. Edward felt it was too much flattery but he couldn’t tell his love to stop. The rabbit males were impressed but all the hare males said that they could do the same. The rabbits became angry and said they couldn’t and they all began to argue. Edward felt that he was responsible for everything and told them all that the one who starts to fight with his paws is the loser in the argumentation and because of those words all fighting was avoided. Proud of himself Edward jumped with his love Jackie into her house and up to her room and did what rabbits are famous for and they became engaged and they planned their marriage for the following day. Edward’s parents knew they couldn’t stop him marrying her even if she was a hare, so they supported him and Jackie’s parents were just happy to have someone who wanted their daughter.
Their marriage was a success and had a lot of music, children’s laughs and the whole village was at the wedding to party and our two friends swore fidelity and to live together till death should tear them apart. Edward felt, for the first time, totally complete because he was in love and his hare was pregnant. He smiled every time he saw her and she smiled back and when he laughed, his little love was also laughing and when he was sad, his love hugged him and told him that she loved him. He was happy until death drew them apart and in other words, the rest of his life because he died before her.